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Ask Dr. Hardy |
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Dr.
Lisa Hardy
is Chief of Child Psychiatry at
Children’s Hospital, Oakland, and a Castro Valley
parent. In this first of a series of articles, she gives
some guidelines for parents to consider when deciding
when to begin leaving children at home alone. Leaving a
child at home alone is a big step for both parents and
children. You must consider many factors that are
specific for your particular situation, including your
child’s developmental stage, your family situation, your
neighborhood, and others.
If you
have a topic that you would like Dr. Hardy to discuss,
please send her an email in care of webmaster@cvparents.org.
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Home Alone |
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Home Alone. When Is It OK?
Lisa
Hardy, MD
When
is it ok to leave a child at home alone? Every parent
faces this difficult decision at some point. Like many
other issues with children, there is no easy or exact
answer. But with some care and some planning, both you
and your child can have the rewards that come from
another step towards independence.
How can you know when a child is ready to be alone?
Each
child matures at a different rate, but there are some
indicators that can help you decide if your child is
ready.
The
first indicator is age. Very young children (under 10
years) should never be left without supervision. Too
many things can go wrong, and children of this young age
rarely have the maturity to handle even simple issues.
Without even considering the many genuine dangerous
activities that a curious child can get into, young
children can become panic-stricken by even harmless
things.
By age
10 to 12, many children begin to show they are ready for
additional responsibility. They can get ready for school
on time. They do their homework and chores with less
prompting. They remember to tell you where they are
going and when they will be home. There are several
reasons for this shift. Intellectually, children at
this age have made a shift from what is called concrete
thinking to abstract reasoning. What this means is that
they can more accurately put together cause and effect
and begin to predict the consequences of their actions.
For example, a young child knows they should not touch
the stove because it is hot and they could get burned.
The older child not only knows this but also knows that
if something else comes in contact with the stove a fire
could start. This fire could damage the house and
effect the family way beyond this one episode. Another
reason for this shift has to do with emotional maturity.
Children are learning more about themselves and their
ability to manage difficult situations and hopefully are
achieving greater self confidence. They recognize when
a situation makes them feel scared or uncomfortable and
can take steps to seek help to restore a feeling of
comfort.
You
also need to consider several outside factors. The first
considers the safety of your home. Are areas well lit
and dangers clearly marked (ie, the loose floorboard
that everyone tries to avoid, the unlabeled bottle of
chlorox not stored right next to the bottle of water)?
Does your child know where the flashlights are and the
fire extinguisher in case the power fails or there is a
fire? The second concerns neighborhood safety.
How safe is the neighborhood? Are there other adults
(for example, neighbors) close by? How long will the
child be alone? Will it be day or night? The next
considers environmental safety. If there is a natural
disaster, such as an earthquake or flood, does your
child know what to do and where to go? The last
concerns who else the child might be responsible for.
Is the child home alone or is their another sibling or
the family pet to care for as well?
Finally, you should talk to your child. Has he/she asked
to be home alone? A child who doesn’t want to stay alone
is probably not ready to do so. How has your child
responded when they have unexpectedly been alone in
other situations? For example, you were supposed to get
to school at 3:00 pm to pick them up but instead got
there at 3:15. Do you have a child who is fairly
flexible with scheduling or one who needs more structure
to feel safe and do well?
Preparing Your Child
If you
decide that your child is ready to begin being home
alone, you need to prepare you child. Set some rules and
make some plans for what they should do in certain
situations. Be sure to go over them with your child. A
clear and supportive discussion with your child will
insure that he/she understands the rules and the reasons
for them. It will also let the child tell you about any
special concerns that they have.
Here
are some things to consider reviewing with your child.
You may want to add others.
-
Should they answer the telephone and, if so, how should
they answer the telephone? If you have an answering
machine, consider having them screen calls and pick up
only if it’s you.
- What
is an emergency and when should they call you or another
adult?
- Is
there a time for the child to check in with you?
- Can
friends be in the house when the child is unsupervised?
- Can
the child leave home?
- Can
they cook? What are appropriate snacks?
- Can
they watch television or play on their computer?
- How
should they answer the door when alone or should they at
all?
- Do
they know how to lock and unlock doors and windows? If
there is an alarm system, do they know how to use it?
As most systems have a special code, it is important to
review with your child that this is confidential family
information.
- If
they are injured, do they know what to? How to contact
an ambulance if necessary and where to find insurance
information?
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If there is a family disaster plan, do
they know what it is? For example, if there is a power
failure, do they know where the flashlights are, is it
okay for them to use candles and do they know where the
circuit breaker is? Similarly, if there is an
earthquake, do they know where the fresh water and
nonperishable snacks are kept, and how to turn off the
gas line? Most importantly, do they have a list of
numbers for you and backup contacts in case you can’t be
reached? This is a lot of information for a child to
know so consider putting the family disaster plan in
writing and making sure everyone knows where it is.
If you feel that your child is ready to be home alone
then schedule a test run. Select an outing that is of a
short duration (30 minutes – 1 hour) and see how your
child manages. Try calling the phone or asking a friend
to come by and ring the doorbell to offer exposure to
these situations. Upon your return sit down and find
out how well it went from your child’s perspective;
review any areas that you have concerns about.
For
children who are ready, being home alone can be a
rewarding experience. By taking this step, they gain
independence and self-confidence. With a little planning
and training, you can help them to take this step and
share their joy with this achievement.
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Home Alone |
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Home alone
Are your children
old enough to be by themselves after school?
Sacramento
Bee
http://www.sacbee.com/static/archive/family/features/latchkey.html
Is Your Kid
Latch-Key Material?
Connect for Kids
http://www.connectforkids.org/node/506
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